How to Share Your Story to Help You & Others.
Breast Cancer Awareness Month — Survivorship Done Differently.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I am using this time to tell my story, and I want you to share your story too. Sharing your story is empowering. It not only helps those around your who are struggling to feel seen — knowing someone else has experienced a similar journey, but it also helps you to grow and move forward. Telling your story is healing.
In last week’s blog post, I talked about how the journey after cancer can be just as complicated as the crisis itself. And this week, I want to talk about how telling your story can help you and your community connect deeply and thrive together.
“The day I committed to stop apologizing for my crisis and inviting people to be a part of it changed everything.” — Vanessa Joy Walker
My Cancer Story
When I had breast cancer, I found myself apologizing for everything. I was late to work, late to events, and really just late for life! I constantly felt guilty, even though my tardiness was because of early morning radiation treatment and extreme fatigue. I was slow- because I was navigating a crisis, and I was doing it quietly and alone.
The day I committed to stop apologizing for my crisis and inviting people to be a part of it changed everything.
Through the act of acknowledging crisis and sharing my story, I realized I could navigate almost anything. I developed some pointers to help use your whole village to cultivate community, mutual healing, and radical joy even amid individual or collective crises! I’d love to share them with you now.
These tips will help the patient or survivor and their loved ones who want to support them.
Vanessa’s tips for navigating cancer through sharing
1. SHARE YOUR STORY, AND BE PREPARED TO LISTEN.
Confide in your besties. Let your boss in. Let your friends in. Let your people in.
If you find it challenging to open up, start by talking to yourself! Saying “I have cancer” in the mirror repeatedly didn’t make cancer easier, but it allowed me to face the crisis and start to believe that the girl staring back at me had a chance to survive.
Getting to a place where you can be open with your people is essential for growth; connection is good for your physical and mental health. Genuine connection creates freedom within relationships and makes room for uncomfortable, unfinished, messy problems to be tackled together with a level of collaboration that feels good. Are we ready to handle that icky, awkward, and uncomfortable vibe that usually surrounds disappointment, frustrations, sadness, and pain? Listen, life is messy for everyone. Isn’t it time to accept that truth and offer an extra portion of grace to everyone?
Feeling unsure or timid about communicating during a crisis is normal. Don’t know what to say? Ask Questions or admit that you find it challenging to come up with words. Acknowledge and validate others’ feelings. For example, if someone shares about their cancer crisis with you, you could respond with something like this:
“Thank you for sharing so transparently with me. It makes sense that you are feeling sad and scared right now — cancer is scary. How would you feel about telling me more about what you are experiencing? I would love to listen.”
Often, holding space for someone is the exact thing they need, nothing more and nothing less. And don’t take it personally if they aren’t up to sharing! Now they know that you are willing to listen.
2. KNOW IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK.
Honestly, so many of us are waiting for permission to admit how we feel. For me, the overwhelm of my life at the time of my breast cancer diagnosis was intense, so the very thought of having to drop the “c-bomb” was unbearable.
Remember, it’s not your responsibility to romanticize pain or gloss over suffering for the sake of those around you. Convincing yourself that there’s something wrong with the fact that you’re having a difficult time will exhaust you.
“When you give yourself the freedom to say, “I’m not OK,” refreshing energy washes over you. ” — Vanessa Joy Walker
When you give yourself the freedom to say, “I’m not OK,” a refreshing energy washes over you. It’s like jumping into a slightly chilly pool on a hot summer’s day. You instantly feel better. It also demonstrates to the people around you that they, too, don’t have to act like everything is fine.
Sharing takes courage. Be gracious with yourself. Sharing crappy news isn’t easy. Telling those who were closest to me about my cancer diagnosis was more complex than telling strangers. Somehow, telling strangers first made it easier to tell my loved ones because I needed the practice. I wasn’t as concerned about the strangers’ responses or protecting them from pain so I could be more blunt and truthful. It was like a dress rehearsal.
Sharing a cancer diagnosis does get easier with practice.
Also, remember to let other people feel sad and crappy too. Instead of judging or criticizing someone for being short or irritable, get curious about WHY they might be showing up this way. Look for opportunities to listen and connect with friends, colleagues, or peers while navigating the ugly side of the crisis.
3. ASK FOR HELP AND HELP OTHERS.
Why is it so hard to ask for help when we need it the most? Asking for support can feel selfish, I know. But here’s the thing — asking for help and offering it creates a connection that nourishes the body and soul. If you want to grow and thrive through a crisis, then be prepared to share your burden. And then be on the lookout for ways you can support others. Your crisis equips you to care for others.
Let’s show each other the best and worst of ourselves. Let’s tell each other that it’s OK if things suck. Let’s not ask our fellow humans to mask their pain or minimize their fear. Let’s choose to step into the mess with each other. Let’s help carry each other’s burdens so we can all fly more freely.
Communication is a fantastic coping tool. By being transparent and open, it encourages others to be honest and vulnerable too. So don’t be afraid to share your story.
4. MAKE ROOM FOR JOY AND COMMIT TO THE JOY OF COMMUNITY.
Joyful, love-filled people are motivated and equipped to do good things! It’s easy to get fixated on how everything around us is affecting our joy and productivity. But how often do we consider how we are harming the joy quotient and the life quality of the people we rub shoulders with each day? How can we change our attitudes to help promote love, productivity, and good works in the people we love, lead, and serve?
“Knowing in my soul that my suffering has the power to contribute to someone else’s comfort and joy is life-changing.” Vanessa Joy Walker
The most joyful experiences in my life are the result of sharing and encouraging someone else with my trials. Knowing in my soul that my suffering has the power to contribute to someone else’s comfort and joy is life-changing.
Together, let’s share in the freedom and joy that comes from the creation of genuine connections. And on the days when our sisters or fellow humans feel like it’s impossible to believe, let’s remind them that it’s OK — it’s normal — and tell them that we are believing for them until they can believe for themselves.
Don’t forget to sign up for your weekend care package delivered to your inbox every Friday! I’ll be highlighting some inspiring content and sharing little bite-size pieces of my story for inspiration.
